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	<title>Relationships - The Institute of You</title>
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	<title>Relationships - The Institute of You</title>
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		<title>The Problem With &#8216;Yes&#8217; People (And The Solution)</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/yes-people-problem-solution/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 09 Oct 2019 10:15:16 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=34000</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/yes-people-problem-solution/">The Problem With &#8216;Yes&#8217; People (And The Solution)</a></p>
<p>Feeling supported by people can have a great impact on our self-confidence, the decisions we take, or simply our outlook on life. Let&#8217;s admit it: it&#8217;s always nice to have people agree with us. There... </p>
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<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/yes-people-problem-solution/">The Problem With &#8216;Yes&#8217; People (And The Solution)</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/yes-people-problem-solution/">The Problem With &#8216;Yes&#8217; People (And The Solution)</a></p>
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				<p>Feeling supported by people can have a great impact on our self-confidence, the decisions we take, or simply our outlook on life. Let&#8217;s admit it: it&#8217;s always nice to have people agree with us. There is a positive reinforcement that our ideas, our opinions are good &#8211; and who wouldn&#8217;t want that?</p><p>We tend to spend more time around such people for the way they make us feel. But what happens when we do things that are not great for us? Will they warn us it&#8217;s a mistake? It&#8217;s not that certain.</p><h2>&#8216;Yes&#8217; people don&#8217;t have your back</h2><p>Beware of people who are always supportive, because they won&#8217;t have your back when you need it. They will not tell you you shouldn&#8217;t call your ex. They will not tell give you feedback that will help you grow. They will not tell you these glasses look horrible on you. They will not tell you you have something stuck in your teeth.</p><p>&#8216;Yes&#8217; people are not, for the most part, ill-intentioned, I think it&#8217;s very important to mention it. There are many reasons why they are like this, and only you could start seeing it:</p><ul><li>They easily feel embarrassed</li><li>They don&#8217;t know how to tell you in a nice way</li><li>They avoid confrontation or conflict</li><li>They are people-pleaser (they never ever say no)</li><li>Or simply they don&#8217;t care enough</li></ul><p>So even though they give us a sense of validation which we all need, it doesn&#8217;t always serve us.</p><h2>Who you should trust instead</h2><p>The solution to this, and I&#8217;m pretty sure you know where this is going, is to have close friends who will <strong>tell you things for what they are, not what you want to hear</strong>. They will act as your counterbalance when it is needed. They will be the pros to your cons, the cons to your pros. </p><p>Why is it so important? Because we look at reality in a biased way, all of us. Our past, our experience, our personality traits, impact our decision making, our assumptions and prejudices. And because we all have different backgrounds, other people will look at the same situation differently, sometimes with even more clarity since they are not directly involved directly. When they share their opinion with us, they open our visual field, they help us change our perspective or take a step back.</p><p>So<strong> be mindful</strong> of the individual style of people around you. If you&#8217;ve identified a people-pleaser, they might not be the best person to go to if you need an honest opinion about something. That doesn&#8217;t mean you should discard these relationships, just pick the right moment to engage with them. And embrace the ones who challenge you.</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/yes-people-problem-solution/">The Problem With &#8216;Yes&#8217; People (And The Solution)</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>How Influence Works</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/how-influence-works/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2019 16:50:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=33907</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-influence-works/">How Influence Works</a></p>
<p>Influence is the &#8220;power to affect or change how someone or something develops, behaves, or thinks.&#8221; [1] It is particularly important at work to not only do your job well but also develop leadership skills.... </p>
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<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-influence-works/">How Influence Works</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-influence-works/">How Influence Works</a></p>
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				<p>Influence is the &#8220;power to affect or change how someone or something develops, behaves, or thinks.&#8221; <a title="_ftnref1" href="#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1">[1]</a> It is particularly important at work to not only do your job well but also develop leadership skills. But before you start to develop influence, it&#8217;s best to know how it works.</p><h2>The 4 levels of influence</h2><p>People can change and adjust their beliefs, behaviours, and emotions due to influence on 4 levels:</p><p><strong>1. Individual -&gt; individual</strong>: when one person impacts the beliefs, behaviours and emotions of another person.</p><p><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-33921" src="https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/individual.png" alt="" width="188" height="43" /></p><p><strong>2. Group -&gt; member</strong>: when a group of people impacts the beliefs, behaviours and emotions of a member of the same group.</p><p><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-33919" src="https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/group.png" alt="" width="233" height="142" /></p><p><strong>3. Member -&gt; group</strong>: when one member of the group impacts the activity and structure of the group they belong to.</p><p><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-33922" src="https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/member.png" alt="" width="229" height="140" /></p><p><strong>4. Group -&gt; group</strong>: when a group impacts the activity and structure of another group.</p><p><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-33920" src="https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/group-group.png" alt="" width="581" height="138" srcset="https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/group-group.png 581w, https://instituteofyou.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/group-group-550x131.png 550w" sizes="(max-width: 581px) 100vw, 581px" /></p><p style="text-align: center;">______</p><p>If you wish to develop your influence at work, you need to know at what level you wish to work on<strong>. Who are you trying to influence</strong>: is it a specific person (your manager or a peer) or a team you belong to?</p><p>Then ask yourself: <strong>what is the purpose of influence this person or this group?</strong> What are you trying to achieve? What will you personally gain from this?</p><p>You can also notice that you can&#8217;t, on your own, influence a group you do not belong to. So if you want to create change in another department because it is not working out for you for instance, you need to first influence your own group (level #3) to then be able to impact another one (level #4).</p><h2>The 4 types of influence</h2><p>Now that we&#8217;ve looked at the levels of influence, let&#8217;s dive into the actual processes to influence others.</p><h3><span class="st"> 1 | Creating new norms<br /></span></h3><p><strong>Normalisation</strong> is the process by which behaviours and opinions are made desirable in a group. It is how norms are elaborated. These norms are then used to reward people who stay within the range of what&#8217;s accepted, and punish those who don&#8217;t.</p><p>Concretely at work, this is how your team comes to create its own values, structure, and habits, how you work together everyday and how you identify as a group. You can influence this by carefully picking the people you hire if you are a manager. If you are a team member, sharing what is important for you and creating strong links with your peers will help you be a part of this norm creation process in an organic way.</p><h6>&gt; What you can do:</h6><ul><li><strong>Reflect on your team norms</strong>: what are the shared values, beliefs, habits, routine, among the group?</li><li><strong>Think about how they came together</strong>: what events shaped your team? Who has influenced it (positively or even negatively) the most? What have they done?</li><li>How do you and your team <strong>reward </strong>people who are following the norms you established (work friendship, gifts, taking lunches and breaks together, etc.)? How do you, as a group, <strong>punish</strong> people who don&#8217;t comply (exclusion, gossip, negative perception, etc.)?</li><li>How can the norms <strong>change</strong> with new hires?</li><li>What <strong>could you</strong> <strong>improve</strong> as a group? What&#8217;s the best way to do that?</li></ul><h3><span class="st">2 | Conforming to an existing norm<br /></span></h3><p><strong>Conformism</strong> happens when a norm already exists. It is the process by which an individual will follow a rule that has been created before/without him. This person sees that the group they belong to follows this rule and will adopt the norm.</p><p>At work, this could mean several things: individuals tend to meet the expectations of their group to feel included, or they tend to trust their peers so much that they wouldn&#8217;t doublecheck the information that was given to them. Sometimes for people it&#8217;s easier to comply to rules to avoid the group rejection. Other time people have completely identified with the behaviours and beliefs of the group that its influence will continue even if they were alone.</p><p>Conformism can create some challenges in creative problem-solving, out of the box thinking and innovation. If everyone thinks and acts the same, it will be difficult for the group to explore other perspectives.</p><h6>&gt; What you can do:</h6><ul><li>Notice<strong> your own level of conformity</strong> in the group: to what degree are you independent from the group? To what degree do you follow the group? The best way to understand conformism could be to ask yourself &#8220;would I do or agree with X if I were alone?&#8221; &#8211; if the answer is no, then you are influenced by the group. Don&#8217;t worry though, it is normal to conform to some extent to the group you belong to.</li><li>After exploring your conformity, <strong>look at the way your team works</strong>. Do you tend to quickly and easily agree on goals and how to reach them, or is there usually one or two people bringing a different point of view?</li></ul><h3><span class="st">3 | Following the authority figure<br /></span></h3><p>Also called <strong>obedience</strong>, this is the influence that results from an authority figure.</p><p>People tend to follow more someone who is (or appears to be) an expert, a leader, or someone in charge. At work typically the authority comes from the manager, and the higher you go in the hierarchy, the more <span class="ILfuVd"><span class="e24Kjd">ascendancy</span></span> the person has (CEO &gt; manager). But it also applies to other situations: for instance, you are going to trust a doctor more easily than a random stranger.</p><p>This influence is very important to notice because there are a lot of risks to blindly follow leaders (I mean, just look at History). It has been <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment">shown</a> that under the pressure of authority, people dissociate themselves and don&#8217;t feel responsible for their actions anymore (they do something because someone more powerful told them to). In the context of work, that means employees who are less accountable, who take less initiative and who are more dependent on the boss.</p><h6>&gt; What you can do:</h6><ul><li>Think about who you consider <strong>an authority figure at work</strong>. What makes them an authority to you? Do you follow them without questioning their decisions or do you stay independent?</li><li>If you are a manager, answer the questions above but also look into how your team is answering to your authority: do you have any? If so, how did you earn it? How do you handle people who don&#8217;t follow you?</li></ul><h3><span class="st">4 | Changing the group&#8217;s norms<br /></span></h3><p>In psychology, this concept is called <strong>minority influence</strong>. It is the ability for one person to change the views and norms of a group. It is by definition the opposite of conformism (type #2). With this influence, an individual is slowly altering the group dynamics, its values, behaviours, beliefs and/or processes.</p><p>So how do you influence a majority?</p><ol><li><strong>Consistency</strong>: first, you need to believe in what you say so you have credibility. It needs to be aligned with your own values and behaviours. Walk the walk, talk the talk.</li><li><strong>Confidence</strong>: you need to be (or appear to be) confident when you communicate to the group. You need to come prepared and ready to debate because you will face resistance.</li><li><strong>Visibility</strong>: the conversations you are going to have with the majority will bring visibility to what you are trying to do. It will allow you to show consistency and confidence over time, which will help you convince others.</li><li><strong>Snowball effect</strong>: you don&#8217;t have to target the entire group at once. You just need to gather more and more people at a time, so your group becomes the majority. Rally 1 or 2 people to your cause and rely on them to bring even more visibility, until you have a majority around you.</li></ol><p>Here&#8217;s a concrete example: you thought about a new process at work that will improve your team&#8217;s productivity. But people don&#8217;t like change, so they are not buying into it as easy as you&#8217;d have hoped.</p><h6>&gt; What you can do:</h6><ul><li>First, make sure you really believe in this change. If you don&#8217;t, people will sense it and you won&#8217;t be able to influence them.</li><li>List all the pros you want your peers to remember and all the cons they&#8217;ll likely fight this idea with.</li><li>Talk to your manager about it to have their approval. Hopefully they have enough authority to influence the group&#8217;s decision.</li><li>Then start to talking to a few people about it, off the record. Do a bit of lobbying to bring them to your cause.</li><li>Once you have one or two people onboard, talk about this topic in your team meetings. Repeat until the majority is convinced and the new norm is ready to be implemented.</li></ul>					</div>
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				<pre><a title="_ftn1" href="https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/influence" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> Cambridge dictionary.</pre>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-influence-works/">How Influence Works</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>36 Questions To Develop Closeness</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 May 2019 09:30:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=33940</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">36 Questions To Develop Closeness</a></p>
<p>A research published in 1997 explored interpersonal closeness by studying if two strangers could create more intimacy if they were asking each other specific personal questions than with small talk. The study follows other researches... </p>
<p class="more"><a class="more-link" href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">Read More</a></p>
<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">36 Questions To Develop Closeness</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">36 Questions To Develop Closeness</a></p>
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				<p>A <a class="css-1g7m0tk" title="" href="http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf+html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">research</a> published in 1997 explored interpersonal closeness by studying if two strangers could create more intimacy if they were asking each other specific personal questions than with <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">small talk</a>. The study follows other researches on the field of social connections which found out that:</p><p style="padding-left: 40px;"><em>&#8220;One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.&#8221;</em></p><p>So the questionnaire below should be used by both individuals. Each set of questions is meant to be more personal than the previous one so you really need to follow the order of the questions.</p><p>Here we go.</p><h3>Set I</h3><p>1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?</p><p>2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?</p><p>3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?</p><p>4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?</p><p>5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?</p><p>6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?</p><p>7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?</p><p>8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.</p><p>9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?</p><p>10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?</p><p>11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.</p><p>12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?</p><h3>Set II</h3><p>13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?</p><p>14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?</p><p>15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?</p><p>16. What do you value most in a friendship?</p><p>17. What is your most treasured memory?</p><p>18. What is your most terrible memory?</p><p>19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?</p><p>20. What does friendship mean to you?</p><p>21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?</p><p>22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.</p><p>23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?</p><p>24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?</p><h3>Set III</h3><p>25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling &#8230; “</p><p>26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share &#8230; “</p><p>27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.</p><p>28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.</p><p>29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.</p><p>30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?</p><p>31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.</p><p>32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?</p><p>33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?</p><p>34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?</p><p>35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?</p><p>36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.</p><h6><em>(NB: in some questions, you see the word &#8220;partner&#8221;. It refers to the person you are talking to. I left the questions exactly like they were written in the study).</em></h6><p style="text-align: center;">__________________________</p><p>After going through all the questions, it could be interesting for you to reflect on the activity with the family member, friend, colleague, or maybe even a stranger (if you find one who&#8217;s willing to do that!).</p><h6>&gt; Read More: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a></h6>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">36 Questions To Develop Closeness</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2019 09:26:54 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=33950</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a></p>
<p>Whether you are on a date or having dinner with people you barely know, you can sometimes run out of things to talk about. When that happens, thoughts rush through your head searching for a... </p>
<p class="more"><a class="more-link" href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">Read More</a></p>
<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a></p>
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				<p>Whether you are on a date or having dinner with people you barely know, you can sometimes run out of things to talk about. When that happens, thoughts rush through your head searching for a topic, <em>any</em> topic, to break the awkwardness that makes silence last forever.</p><p>Use some of the questions below to ask lighthearted questions and keep the conversation going. If you want to create more intimacy, you can check <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/36-questions-to-develop-closeness/">these questions too</a>.</p><h2>Conversation starters</h2><ol><li>When was the last time you walked for more than an hour? </li><li>What was the best gift you ever received and why?</li><li>If you had to move abroad, where would you live and why?</li><li>Do you read a newspaper often and which do you prefer? Why?</li><li>If you could invent a new flavor of ice cream, what would it be?</li><li>What is the best restaurant you&#8217;ve been to in the last month?</li><li>Describe the last pet you owned.</li><li>What is your favorite holiday? Why?</li><li>What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you when you were with a small child?</li><li>What&#8217;s the best gift you ever received?</li><li>Do you prefer to get up early or stay up late?</li><li>Where are you from? Name all of the places you&#8217;ve lived.</li><li>What did you do this summer?</li><li>What is your favourite movie/TV series?</li><li>When was the last time you went to see a play?</li><li>What is the best TV show you&#8217;ve seen in the last month?</li><li>What is your favorite holiday? Why?</li><li>What is the best book you&#8217;ve read in the last three months?</li><li>What country would you most like to visit? What attracts you to this place?</li><li>Do you think left-handed people are more creative than right-handed people?</li><li>What is the last concert you saw? Had you seen them before? Where?</li><li>Do you subscribe to any magazines? Which ones? What have you subscribed to in the past?</li><li>What did you like to do when you were 10?</li><li>What is the best/worst advice you have been given?</li><li>What are your pet peeves?</li><li>What is the one food you could eat for the rest of your life?</li><li>If you won the lottery, what would you do first?</li><li>Have you ever stolen anything?</li><li>If you could only save one item from a house fire, what would it be?</li><li>If you could be famous, would you want to? Why?</li></ol>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>How To Work With People You Don&#8217;t Like</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-work-with-people-you-dont-like/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 09 Jan 2019 12:24:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=33747</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-work-with-people-you-dont-like/">How To Work With People You Don&#8217;t Like</a></p>
<p>They say we don&#8217;t choose our family. Well we certainly don&#8217;t choose our colleagues either. In some (most?) cases, we get along with them. They might not be perfect, but we aren&#8217;t either so there&#8217;s... </p>
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<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-work-with-people-you-dont-like/">How To Work With People You Don&#8217;t Like</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-work-with-people-you-dont-like/">How To Work With People You Don&#8217;t Like</a></p>
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				<p>They say we don&#8217;t choose our family. Well we certainly don&#8217;t choose our colleagues either. In some (most?) cases, we get along with them. They might not be perfect, but we aren&#8217;t either so there&#8217;s that mutual understanding that we all have to tolerate each other. But what happens when we <em>really</em> don&#8217;t like a colleague and we have to see them every day? What can be done?</p><h2>1<span class="st"> | Explore why you dislike this person, and if it is reciprocal</span></h2><p>The first step is to understand why you don&#8217;t like this person, and if the feeling is reciprocal. What has the person done that made you dislike them? Is there a pattern of behaviour that keeps repeating itself? What&#8217;s the context, when does it occur the most? Are you the only one feeling this way or do you see other people being annoyed or frustrated with this person? Can you tell that this person doesn&#8217;t like you either?</p><p>It&#8217;s important to have clarity on what actually happens, and not to stay stuck on your feelings. Focus on facts, they will help you understand if the source of the problem is this person&#8217;s behaviour, or if it is you who has a problem with it.</p><p>Because let&#8217;s be honest, it could be that you are the only one in this situation that feels this way. You might not be able to let go of a thing that happened, or that person triggered something that is personal.</p><h2>2<span class="st"> | Keep your calm at all times with mindful breathing<br /></span></h2><p>This is where you see how mindfulness can help control your emotions. When you find yourself feeling frustrated or angry with this person, shift your focus inwardly. Stop your internal negative talk about all the things you dislike, and think instead about what&#8217;s happening in your body:</p><ol><li>Where do you feel that anger or frustration? Is it in your chest, your belly, your shoulders, your neck?</li><li>Once you&#8217;ve identified where the feeling is located, start taking deep breaths (silent ones if you are in a meeting) while focusing on the tense area.</li><li>Don&#8217;t think about this person at all. Just repeat the mindful breathing until you&#8217;ve calmed the sensation in your body and you&#8217;ve lowered your heart rate.</li></ol><h2>3<span class="st"> | Be the bigger person<br /></span></h2><p>This is one of the most difficult things to do, I know. Why should you always be beyond reproach when someone else gets away with bad behaviour? Why can&#8217;t you be as petty or aggressive? I personally haven&#8217;t always been the bigger person in situations where I had a conflict with someone at work, and let me tell you: it always backfired at me. Always. It shifted the conversation to my own behaviour, which felt so unfair and disproportionate that it left me even more frustrated and angry. Results: I got blamed for taking an active part in the conflict and not trying to solve it.</p><p>So, even though it&#8217;s hard, it&#8217;s crucial you stay irreproachable, because if the conflict comes to the point where managers are involved (see #6), they will look at both of you and will try to share the blame. Don&#8217;t lower your standards.</p><h2>4<span class="st"> | Let go of the small stuff<br /></span></h2><p>No one is perfect. People have certain behaviours that make you roll your eyes or that frustrate you, but guess what? Some people roll their eyes too when you do things that annoy them. You can&#8217;t be compatible with 100% of the people we meet or work with, that&#8217;s a fact. And you can&#8217;t always tell people what annoys you: you&#8217;d be quite unbearable to work with. So you have to let go of the small stuff.</p><p>When I get annoyed, I always ask myself : <strong>in the grand scheme of things, does it matter? </strong>It rarely does.</p><h2>5<span class="st"> | Talk to the person<br /></span></h2><p>If mindfulness and letting go haven&#8217;t helped you solve the situation yourself, it might be because there are some things that need to be addressed. Once you&#8217;ve explored what the problem is (facts) and how it makes you feel (those are two very different things), talk to this person about it. It&#8217;s not going to be easy, but you need to address it face-to-face. Remember to breathe mindfully to control your emotions while you speak to them. Find a good time and be genuine. Have the conversation off the record. Avoid putting blame and listen to what the person has to say. There are always two sides to the story and you might find out how this makes them feel.</p><h2>6<span class="st"> | Talk to your manager<br /></span></h2><p>Whether the outcome of this conversation is positive or negative, talk to your manager about it to keep them in the loop. Be transparent about what you did and be clear as to what you expect of them: should they get involved? Is it just a FYI? Explaining what you went through, the work you&#8217;ve first done on yourself, and how you addressed it with the person will show a lot of maturity. They&#8217;ll be able to advise you on what to do next.</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-work-with-people-you-dont-like/">How To Work With People You Don&#8217;t Like</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>How To Be More Compassionate</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Dec 2018 10:31:59 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://instituteofyou.org/?p=33892</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate/">How To Be More Compassionate</a></p>
<p>Compassion is the ability to show empathy to others, to not judge them and to support them in a way that works for them. But compassion always starts with ourselves. It starts with accepting and... </p>
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<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate/">How To Be More Compassionate</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate/">How To Be More Compassionate</a></p>
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				<p>Compassion is the ability to show empathy to others, to not judge them and to support them in a way that works for them. But compassion always starts with ourselves. It starts with accepting and being kind to who we are, before we are able to do that to others.</p><h2>Self-compassion</h2><p>We all have an internal negative talk about what we can and can&#8217;t do, what we should and shouldn&#8217;t do. When things get hard, we tend to doubt our skills and abilities, sometimes even our intelligence. We are too harsh on ourselves and we spend more time thinking about our failures than actually moving forward. We never win when we compare ourselves to people who are more successful, more experienced, more beautiful. There will always be people ahead of us, especially if we are only at the beginning of our journey.</p><p>To be more compassionate with yourself is to let go of all that. Focus inwardly on what you can do and how you can get better, not because someone else is doing it, but because you know it&#8217;s the right thing to do.</p><p>Don&#8217;t be harsh on yourself. Do not judge yourself. Don&#8217;t fight with yourself. Don&#8217;t aim for perfection. Forgive yourself.</p><p>You are where you are because of the actions you took in the past. If you want to be at another place in the future, do a few things accordingly. Don&#8217;t overthink, simply do things and learn from them. One step at a time.</p><h6>Read more: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/motivate-yourself-to-do-anything/">The Do Something Principle</a></h6><h2>Compassion to others</h2><p>Nobody likes to be judged, yet we often judge others. We judge others who are different to exclude them and reinforce our way of being or doing as the right one. We judge others who are more successful to downplay their achievements and feel better about ourselves. We judge others because we know we are being judged.</p><p>You can break this cycle by freeing yourself from unnecessary judgement. How? <strong>Let go of the expectations you have of others</strong>. Next time you see someone and you feel judgemental towards them, ask yourself what&#8217;s the good in judging them: will it help them change? A way to know if it will or not is to simply imagine sharing with that person what you think of them: what would be their reaction? Angry? Upset? Dismissive? If it&#8217;s not positive, it&#8217;s a judgement worth discarding.</p><p>Another very important reason to show compassion towards others is that very often, you will not know <strong>their story</strong>. And their story matters, because it will impact what they do or what they say. If you think someone is being a big harsh, it could be because they just got a bad news and are a bit sensitive. When you let go of perfection for yourself, you also stop expecting others to be perfect and you accept when they show vulnerability.</p><p>Something that has helped me a lot to remove judgement is to <strong>always assume positive intent</strong>: everyone wants to have a good life and they&#8217;re doing the best they can, and most people will have good intentions. People who don&#8217;t are not worth your time and energy anyway.</p><p>Compassion is something you can nurture. Start by simply noticing your judgements, then look at what caused them. Why are you judging people on it? How is it serving you? And when you are done exploring the root of it, let them go?</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/how-to-be-more-compassionate/">How To Be More Compassionate</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>Do This At Work If You Suck At Small Talk</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Sep 2018 06:19:36 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/">Do This At Work If You Suck At Small Talk</a></p>
<p>One of the most underrated skills to master at work is the ability to have small conversations that don&#8217;t feel forced. Some people are good at it, and others feel awkward in front of a... </p>
<p class="more"><a class="more-link" href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/">Read More</a></p>
<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/">Do This At Work If You Suck At Small Talk</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/">Do This At Work If You Suck At Small Talk</a></p>
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				<p>One of the most underrated skills to master at work is the ability to have small conversations that don&#8217;t feel forced.</p><p>Some people are good at it, and others feel awkward in front of a colleague they don&#8217;t know that well, or not at all. I belong to the latter, unfortunately. I had to find a way to make small talk interesting so I stay engaged and find something to say. It&#8217;s still a work in progress as the approach below is a habit to develop, but I&#8217;ll get there, and so will you!</p><h2>1. Stay aware of the situation</h2><p>Being mindful at work in a great way to stay in control and make conscious micro-decisions. When you are not great at something &#8211; small talk in this case &#8211; you can learn it through mindful practice. That means reading your internal signals, checking what your body says. The good news is that if you are reading this article, you are already working on it since you will know what to look for.</p><h6>&gt; Read More: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/practice-mindfulness-every-day/">How To Practice Mindfulness Every Day</a></h6><h2>2. Smile, be inviting</h2><p>One of the things you need to be mindful of is your own facial expressions. If you tend to frown or have a naturally unimpressed look, you will give the perception to others that you are not available for a chat, that you are angry, focused or frustrated. And people won&#8217;t talk to you. That&#8217;s personally what I struggled the most at the beginning and what mindfulness helped me the most with.</p><p>Don&#8217;t get me wrong. There will be time where we don&#8217;t want to chat, or where we are not available. I am not telling you to start talking to everyone at the coffee machine. Just, when you move from one meeting room to another, or when you go get that caffeine boost, be sure you give the image that you will not bark at people if they say hi.</p><h2>3. Start the conversation</h2><p>How many times do you say hi to people you don&#8217;t know at work? My bet is, not too many. So start by that. It will be amazing to meet new people and grow your network.</p><p>This is where you are probably going to tell me: &#8220;okay Marion, that&#8217;s nice, I can say <em>hi how are you</em>, but what do I say after that?!&#8221; &#8211; fair enough. After you, or the other person, started the conversation, there are a couple of tips you can follow.<br />What to answer to &#8220;how are you?&#8221;, aside from &#8220;I&#8217;m busy&#8221;</p><p>From now on, I want you to start counting the number of times you are replying &#8220;busy&#8221; to this question, and notice how many times people are also saying it. You would be surprised.</p><p>The answer everyone gives is: &#8220;I&#8217;m busy&#8221;. I&#8217;ve always disliked that answer when I asked that question, yet when I was asked, that&#8217;s what I replied. Everyone is busy at work, that&#8217;s what we are paid to do. It&#8217;s very hard to engage in a full conversation that will be constructive or interesting after this answer. The other person is going to be forced to reply &#8220;me too&#8221;, and if they both keep talking, it will likely be a slightly negative conversation on the workload each of them have.</p><p><strong>So what to answer instead? </strong>You can still talk about work, and even your workload if you wish, but in different words. If you can, you can start talking about the last thing you&#8217;ve just done, or the project you are working on.</p><h6>&gt; Read more: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/30-conversation-starters/">30 Conversation Starters For When You Don&#8217;t Know What To Ask</a></h6><h2>4. What to do after you passed the &#8220;how are you&#8221; stage</h2><p>&#8220;Busy&#8221; is also the go-to answer in the workplace because <strong>people expect to be asked but not really listened to</strong> &#8211; so why would you start talking?</p><p>If you want to get better at small talk, and have meaningful and interesting conversations, even if very short, it actually comes down to 3 skills:</p><ol><li><strong>Being mindful and aware</strong></li><li><strong>Asking questions</strong></li><li><strong>And actively listening to the answers</strong></li></ol><p>That&#8217;s all. We&#8217;ve seen #1 above, so let&#8217;s focus on the questions and active listening part.</p><h4>Actively listen</h4><p>Pay attention to the answers the other person gives, and listen actively to all that is said; first, because that&#8217;s the polite thing to do; second, because it&#8217;s quite rare in the workplace to talk to someone who listens; and third, because that will help you ask better questions.</p><h6>&gt; Read more: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/active-listening-skills-tips/">The Only Tips You&#8217;ll Need To Develop Your Active Listening Skills</a></h6><h4>Ask questions</h4><p>If you had to remember one trick to easily ask questions, it&#8217;s this one. <strong>Ask questions using the words the other person is using. Not your words. Theirs. </strong>For instance, if the person says they are <em>busy</em> (ugh), you could ask: &#8220;how busy are you?&#8221;. They could say &#8220;I have a big project coming up&#8221; and you could reply: &#8220;what&#8217;s that big project?&#8221;, etc etc. That makes the conversation a lot more interesting than talking about the weather or the weekend.</p><h6>&gt; Read more: <a href="https://instituteofyou.org/ask-more-questions/">Ask More Questions</a></h6><h2>5. Followup</h2><p>Once the conversation is finished, regardless of the time you both spent talking, remember it for next time you meet the person. It will be a lot easier to use what was said in the previous encounter to engage with the person again. Using the example of the big project coming in, since you asked about it, you can easily start the following conversation to ask how this project is going, which you wouldn&#8217;t be able to do if you hadn&#8217;t ask questions about it.</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/do-this-at-work-if-you-suck-at-small-talk/">Do This At Work If You Suck At Small Talk</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>We Need To Talk About Suck-ups At Work</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 24 Nov 2017 08:10:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional intelligence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.nearteirim.com/?p=452</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/">We Need To Talk About Suck-ups At Work</a></p>
<p>Looking at the articles that have been published so far, I noticed that there is a theme that comes back at times when I talk about collaboration and support. I thought it deserved its own... </p>
<p class="more"><a class="more-link" href="https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/">Read More</a></p>
<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/">We Need To Talk About Suck-ups At Work</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/">We Need To Talk About Suck-ups At Work</a></p>
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				<p>Looking at the articles that have been published so far, I noticed that there is a theme that comes back at times when I talk about collaboration and support. I thought it deserved its own post.</p><h2>Sucking up to the boss: a behavioural study</h2><p>Luckily for everyone (but for the suck-ups themselves, I guess), it just requires a tiny bit of observation and awareness to easily identify the patterns of someone trying to impress the boss. For lack of better word, suck-ups are:</p><ul><li>People who follow their manager everywhere</li><li>People who solely focus their attention on their manager and ignore everyone else</li><li>People who change their behaviour when a manager is around (any manager, as long as they are higher in the hierarchy)</li><li>People who retain information from others to be able to talk to management first</li><li>People who think shining in front of management is the most important</li><li>&#8220;Yes people&#8221; who would rather disappear from this Earth than challenging what their manager says</li><li>People who stay late at work when their manager does</li><li>People who go to company events if their manager does</li><li>People who ask for a 1:1 lunch or coffee break with their manager way too often.</li></ul><p>The more they do it and the longer they do it, the faster they freefall in the abyss of their peers&#8217; respect and trust.</p><p><img decoding="async" class="transparent aligncenter" src="https://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/a2e624d7847bc30430dc6d7abe6602af.png" alt="https://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/a2e624d7847bc30430dc6d7abe6602af.png" /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #808080;"><em>Said no one, ever.</em></span></p><h3>If you do any of the stuff above, do yourself a favour and stop straight away.</h3><p>Suck-ups don&#8217;t realise how bad they hurt their reputation. What is the point in getting an express ticket to a promotion if once you get it everyone despises you and no one trusts you or wants to work with you? It&#8217;s not about slowing down your growth, it&#8217;s about making sure you get there in a way that will be the most beneficial for <em>you</em>. That&#8217;s what suck-ups don&#8217;t understand: they would benefit so much from not being suck-ups. Self-awareness 0 &#8211; suck-ups 1.</p><h4>What you can start doing instead:</h4><ul><li>Set the example to your peers: be the best version of yourself but show your vulnerability too</li><li>Use your top performance to drive your peers&#8217; and your team&#8217;s performance up (that means that you have to be a top performer first, obviously)</li><li>Be consistent with your approach: apply the high standards you have for yourself when a manager is around to all the times when he/she is absent</li><li>Involve your peers in projects you initiate</li><li>Be transparent with your peers when something is bothering you</li><li>Stand for what you think is right</li></ul><h4>What to do if one of your peers is a suck-up:</h4><ul><li>Do not despair <em>*I repeat*</em> do not despair: continue working as hard as you can, sharing whatever you can with your team and manager. Don&#8217;t let someone else bring your motivation down.</li><li>Play by the rules: don&#8217;t lower your standards because someone else in the team does.</li><li>Try talking to them: I know it can be quite hard to bring the topic, but do it for their sake and the sake of your team.</li><li>Give feedback to your manager with examples. Keep in mind that you don&#8217;t know what is going on between the manager and this employee. This might have been addressed already.</li></ul><h3>If you are a manager, do not delay the conversation and address this behaviour straight away</h3><p>Because suck-ups do everything the manager wants, only their manager can really make them stop. It&#8217;s important that you address this issue as soon as possible to avoid spreading latent negativity in your team and to prevent a good employee to ruin their personal brand. It&#8217;s going to be a awkward, but it&#8217;s necessary.</p><h4>How to know if someone in your team is a suck-up:</h4><ul><li>They are isolated from the rest of the group</li><li>No one engages with what they say in meetings</li><li>They work well but their impact is very limited</li><li>They stay more with you than with their peers</li><li>They seek your approval for everything they do</li><li>They cc you in all their emails</li><li>You receive direct feedback from your team</li></ul><h4>What you can do:</h4><ul><li>Talk to your employee in a 1:1 about the patterns you have seen</li><li>Set clear expectations on what being a top performer means to you</li><li>Tell them about the feedback you have received</li><li>Explain what they can do to improve their reputation</li><li>Suggest a 360 degree review to raise awareness</li><li>Tell the employee to spend more time with their peers</li><li>Repeat until the employee has changed</li><li>Send them this article (I&#8217;m kidding) (even though&#8230;)</li></ul><p>Luckily for the employee, their team and their manager, this is not something irreversible. People tend to forget it and trust them again when they see their formerly suck up peer now being inclusive and involving them in their success. It requires patience and commitment, but everyone can do it.</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/we-need-talk-about-suck-ups/">We Need To Talk About Suck-ups At Work</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>9 Kind Things To Do At Work That Go A Long Way</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Sep 2017 06:25:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kindness]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.nearteirim.com/?p=401</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/">9 Kind Things To Do At Work That Go A Long Way</a></p>
<p>Kindness is one of the most underrated values in the workplace and yet this is one of the most important. Kindness is about the (genuine) attention you give your colleagues on a daily basis. It... </p>
<p class="more"><a class="more-link" href="https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/">Read More</a></p>
<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/">9 Kind Things To Do At Work That Go A Long Way</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/">9 Kind Things To Do At Work That Go A Long Way</a></p>
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				<p>Kindness is one of the most underrated values in the workplace and yet this is one of the most important. Kindness is about the (genuine) attention you give your colleagues on a daily basis. It helps create strong relationships and build a positive, caring environment to thrive in. The impact on your personal brand is also massive as being seen as kind will make you more approachable and relatable to others.</p><p>So how to show more kindness to your colleagues? Here are 9 easy things you can do.</p><h3>Ask how they are doing &#8211; and listen (like, with eye contact and everything)</h3><p>Giving a nod when you meet your colleague in the corridor or saying hi at the coffee machine but starring at your mug don&#8217;t count. Asking how they are doing and listening to their answer is literally the basis of kindness in the office. Start with small talk about work, the last/next office event, the last/next weekend and vacations. Get interested in what they say to get to know what&#8217;s going on in their life and try to remember at least one thing for your next conversation with them (you know, the active listening part). It&#8217;s the level 1 of networking.</p><h3>Propose your help and follow through</h3><p>It&#8217;s never easy to ask for help when you are stressed out and overworked. People don&#8217;t want to give the perception they can&#8217;t handle their work (even they objectively can&#8217;t). Make it easier for them and propose your help. If they push back, they might do it our of pride, so insist. If you see someone really struggling, you could sit with them to be the temporary sounding board they don&#8217;t realise they need. Don&#8217;t do it in front of their Manager or other people, be discreet.</p><h3>Ask your colleagues to go on a break with you</h3><p>Whenever you have time, chat with them to see how their day is going and to propose to get a break together later. Vary who you get your break with, don&#8217;t always go with your work bff (if you&#8217;re always kind to the same person, it doesn&#8217;t count).</p><h3>Feed them</h3><p>I mean, anyone who gives me food is my friend so this one might be just for me (for the record this is not the list of the 9 kind things to do to me). Who doesn&#8217;t love a colleague who brings donuts or cake in the morning, or biscotti from their trip to Italy?</p><h3>Invite them out</h3><p>Whether it&#8217;s to get a coffee or a drink, there&#8217;s nothing better for building great relationships with colleagues than going outside the office. Inviting them is a very nice gesture that they are likely to do for you later to thank you.</p><h3>Remember important dates</h3><p>Celebrate their birthday and their anniversary in the company, and try to not forget any other important date they mention to you.</p><h3>Say thank you</h3><p>Thank people more often. Open up about how pleasant it is to work with them and what they represent for you (a great boss, a work friend, a role model, a support). If you can&#8217;t say it out loud, write to them.</p><h3>Congratulate them</h3><p>How long would it take you to send an email or a chat &#8220;Congratulations (name) (champagne emoji)!&#8221; after a promotion announcement? Please remember to change the <em>(name)</em> part and add the actual champagne emoji before you do a copy/paste.</p><h3>Pay it forward</h3><p>Be aware of the little attentions you receive every day and give back to those kind enough to care for you. If someone buys you a gift for your birthday, do the same for theirs. If someone invites you for lunch, invite them back. Accept kind gestures from your colleagues and try to be on the giving end as much as possible in return.</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/9-kind-things-to-do-in-the-workplace/">9 Kind Things To Do At Work That Go A Long Way</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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		<title>Let Yourself Be Seen And Live Wholeheartedly</title>
		<link>https://instituteofyou.org/brene-brown-ted-talk/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Marion Tilly]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 21 Aug 2017 08:40:26 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.roaringtalents.com/?p=191</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/brene-brown-ted-talk/">Let Yourself Be Seen And Live Wholeheartedly</a></p>
<p>I wanted to share with you the TED talk that impacted me the most and that I keep coming back to whenever I need a bit of a relationship pep talk. Every time I watch... </p>
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<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/brene-brown-ted-talk/">Let Yourself Be Seen And Live Wholeheartedly</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/brene-brown-ted-talk/">Let Yourself Be Seen And Live Wholeheartedly</a></p>
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				<p>I wanted to share with you the TED talk that impacted me the most and that I keep coming back to whenever I need a bit of a relationship pep talk. Every time I watch it, it strikes a chord with me. It always makes me reflect on the relationships that I have built and continue building, and the purpose behind working and living with others.</p><p>In <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>this TED talk</strong></a>, Brené Brown presents the results of a study on connection she conducted over six years for which she interviewed hundreds of people.</p><h3>&#8220;Connection is why we’re here, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives&#8221;</h3><p>With the stories she gathered, Brené Brown was able to separate them into two groups: the people who felt strong connections and the people who struggle for it. She was able to find behavioural patterns and common threads among these two groups and came to the conclusion that &#8220;the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they&#8217;re worthy of love and belonging.&#8221;</p><h3>People who feel like they belong have the courage to be imperfect</h3><p>People who have a strong sense of love and belonging embrace compassion, authenticity, courage, and live their life wholeheartedly. They surround themselves with people who they know will embrace that too and with whom they can be safe and being vulnerable. On the other hand, you can&#8217;t create meaningful connections with people to whom you can&#8217;t show who you truly are, in the good and most importantly in the bad.</p><p>There are four principles to keep in mind:</p><ul><li>Let yourself be seen</li><li>Love with your whole heart</li><li>Practice gratitude and joy</li><li>Believe you are enough</li></ul><p>How do you think you can implement these principles in your life?</p>					</div>
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		<p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org/brene-brown-ted-talk/">Let Yourself Be Seen And Live Wholeheartedly</a><br />
<a rel="nofollow" href="https://instituteofyou.org">The Institute of You</a></p>
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